Christmas

Note: I began writing this a couple days after Christmas and didn't publish it. I've decided to go ahead and post it anyway.

Despite my general bah-humbugging, Christmas turned out to be pretty nice. I'm going through a rough time right now, regretting some decisions I've made regarding my career and education, trading financial security in my twenties for some long-term goals I've pushed back. Now that I'm trapped in a career with no way out without risking everything I have, I find myself kicking my own ass for putting myself here.

This, coupled with the losses Chris and I have been dealt this year in losing both of our Grandmas has left me feeling like there's something missing from Christmas that we'll never get back.

Due to the holidays being such miserable bitch-fests between my broken family while I was growing up, it's hard enough for me to enjoy them. My family hadn't spent Christmas with Gram for a number of years before she passed away, despite having grown up going to her house for every holiday, but this year she's gone and that fact solidifies that those days, that joy and union of family, the celebration of together-ness, is gone.  What's left is a December I have to juggle between warring factions, watching what I say in front of whichever party is present at whichever dinner I'm attending.

Maybe I'm just depressed because I took a job way beyond my physical, mental, and emotional abilities and skills. I can't go into too much detail, but I was starting to get hopeful when a professional was called in. They were subsequently dashed by the pickiness and eccentricities of both parties involved and now it's back to square one. I've also discovered I have no more hope of getting affordable health care through this job than I did the last.

Anyway, I started this post explaining how this Christmas was nice and ended up dumping my depressive thoughts all over it. Let me start again.

First, I have the best husband in the world. I can't express enough how supportive he is, even when he doesn't really understand my poor articulation of my own feelings. He's just there for me no matter what.

My family, though broken, split and scattered from the Bay Area to the foothills, have managed to come together for sharing the best of us together. My stepmom made Chris and me a quilt, her very first one. That we were her first project says so much about the repair and building of the relationship between me and her. This wouldn't have always been the case.

My mom worked her ass off at her Christmas to have a dinner and gift exchange for no less than seventeen people. I don't know how she does it, but it went off without a hitch. Her and my stepdad bought us a forty-inch television for Christmas, which we never would have been able to afford on our own.

Christmas day we had a quiet and lovely  gift exchange and lamb dinner at my In-Laws' place.  I was quite comfortable until Chris reminded me I had to work the next day. We stopped by our friend's apartment on the way home and I finally felt like I could get into the Christmas spirit. My friends are expecting a baby and it is so great to see them so happy.

Despite my  change in attitude, the next day I breathed a sigh of relief that Christmas was finally one day in the past. I don't think that's perfectly abnormal, even for those who love Christmas. Anyway, it is what it is and it's over now. On to the New Year.  

Christmas!

Update:I am cleaning my house and putting my presents away and there are a couple things I regret not mentioning because they are so awesome. My mom got us Christmas ornaments for our tree. One is Big Ben and the other is the Eiffel Tower. And we also got a waffle maker from my stepsister, Sarah, which is totally bitchin' and is what I'll be serving on New Year's morning if people end up crashing here! That is all.

Chris and I spent Christmas Eve and half of Christmas day at his parents' house. Robin, his mom, makes an excellent lamb, and as I learned at breakfast the next morning, a spectacular crustless quiche. It was good food and good times all around. Chris and I came back to Davis with our car well-stocked with presents. I won't go into all of them, but there are a few I simply must brag about.

First, from Chris's parents we got some very cool Beatles memorabilia. Original posters in frames of shows such as The Caver and Candlestick Park. We also got a photo album with professional concert photos that came with a CD of scanned negatives. Very, very cool.

I made out with ladybug stuff, of course. I have a new coffee cup, which I am using right now, thanks to my new family in Winnemucca. Ladybugs swinging on a a swing in a garden. Super cute!

Chris got me two books about Irish lore. One is a collection of Ghost Stories and the other is an encyclopedia of myth. He also got me "The Suburbs" by Arcade Fire. I must say, he knows me well.

Chris's mom made us some wonderful framed cross-stitches to hang in our kitchen near our coffee maker. Both are pictures of espresso drinks, one saying "Latte" and the other saying "Cappuccino." I couldn't resist temptation to tell Robin, "Thanks a latte!" after seeing them.

I got another very awesome present from Robin and Garry. Anyone who knows me would guess that the new AMC show, "The Walking Dead," is my kind of show. So I received for Christmas The Walking Dead Compendium One, a collection of the first 48 issues of the comic series. I read it. All of it. Last night.

At dad's house, we enjoyed more good times with family. My step brother was there and my awesome Uncle Mickey. Both my sisters were also there, which hasn't happened at Dad's house on Christmas in many years. Kathy had the house very festive and a delicious meal of ham, potatoes and other noms ready to be eaten. She also got me a "Better Homes and Gardens" cookbook and one-year subscription to the magazine. I'm so domestic now!

From my dad and Kathy, we got some very awesome things. A blown-glass jelly fish from Monterey that actually glows in the dark (I will post pictures on my facebook). A cute decorative towel from Apple Hill. And my favorite, a digital meat thermometer! I can't stand pulling out chicken and cutting into the middle of it to see if it bleeds. I'm very paranoid about proper food safety handling. Now, I have no more need to worry.

My big sister's big present to us was a shower curtain with a picture of the Cliffs of Moher where Chris proposed to me. Talia had asked Chris to email him a picture that he took because, she claimed, Hollis hadn't seen it yet. That sneaky woman! I love the hell out of her.

My little sister Michelle got us an awesome, romantic dinner in the form of a gift card to any Darden restaurant, one being Red Lobster, which I think we'll hit up. She also got me some awesome 'eau de toilette' from B&BW. Chris likes it, so that's good.

I got other stuff, but I'm not writing to categorize everything. I'm super happy for everything I got. There is, of course, the stuff I didn't blog about last week that I got from my mom and her side of the family (awesome stuff, including snowman poo candy, lol). I just wanted to highlight a couple things from the weekend. Hope everyone had a great holiday.

The Sheepherder's Bread

"Pass the mint jelly, please," Chris asked around the table on Christmas Eve at his parents' house. I gladly obliged, having already spread my share on the incredibly delicious lamb on my plate. We were enjoying our dinner with swiss beans, baked potato and a pear and lime jello mold that is Chris's favorite.

"We have Sheepherder's Bread for desert," Robin said, as her and Garry both started laughing. Chris and I looked at each other with eyebrows raised. "Sheepherder's Bread?" I asked.

"Well," Robin began to explain, "It's not really Sheepherder's Bread, but I've got to tell you the story."

"Your father and I were at Railey's yesterday picking up a few things and we saw this item in the bakery that looked like a red velvet cake with some kind of frosting on top. It said, "Sheepherder's Bread" on the label and was only two-forty-nine. I had never heard of it before so we went up to the bakery and asked what it was. The girl behind the counter was very busy and quickly explained as she glanced at the label distractedly, 'Oh yes, Sheepherder's Bread. It's a red velvet cake with a cream cheese frosting. It's delicious. It has a slight cocoa flavor to it. It's really good, I can give you a smple if you'd like.'

"So Garry and I tried it and it was delicious! We brought it up to the register and the cashier looked at us with this puzzled look on her face and said, 'Well, if that's the price they put on it, that's the price I'll give it to you.' At that point, she turned to the bagger and said, 'Look at this.' The bagger looked surprised and asked, 'You think there's any more in the back?' The cashier answered, 'You'd better go check, and if there are, save me some!'

Garry and I were so perplexed at the exchange, so we had to ask as we were paying, just what is up with this Sheepherder's Bread? Just then an announcement came over the loudspeaker, 'Attention Railey's shoppers, we have Red Velvet Cake for justtwelve-ninety-nine in the bakery.' The cashier then explained that the item was mis-marked. It was a red velvet cake we were buying. Sheepherder's Bread is like a baguette with spices on top. We got a twelve-dollar cake for under three! We were laughing all the way out of there as we saw the bagger run to the back to see if there were any more mis-marked cakes to buy up for himself!"

And so, the Grahams and I shared our Red Velvet cake for desert. It was absolutely delicious, and probably the cheapest cake in the world.

Happy Christmas Eve Eve

I have the next five days off of work. Then I go back for two days and get New Years Eve off as well. I don't know how I'm going to drag my ass out of bed to get back into the five-day work week. This is excellent. Of course, I don't get holiday pay, but that concept has been foreign to me since 2008. Somehow, I'll always make my bills work out. If not, I'll just beg Chris for money. There will be a day when he'll have to come crawling to me (as I have to keep reminding him when he gets testy about buying groceries one more time or letting me borrow his car again until I can afford $3.20 a gallon). Anywho, money will be tight but every thing's going to be alright.

I'm having a great holiday season, regardless. I miss the hell out of the peeps in Placerville, but I'm really enjoying Davis and Sacramento. I gave Christmas cards to all my co-workers this year-the first time I've ever been able to do that. I feel like a real grown-up now! (Lol). Now, if only I had bought stamps... The people I'm mailing cards out to will just have to wait for theirs (along with the save-the-dates that Chris and I finally printed). Holidays! Yay!

I wonder if Chris will buy me stuff to make chocolate chip cookies for the party...

Holidays

I have most of my Christmas shopping done! Which means I'll be broke for the next month, but that's just the way it is during the holidays. I'd tell you all what I got Chris, but he happens to read this blog, so I'l save it for Christmas morn'.

New Years Eve I've decided to invite a couple of friends over. It will be my first official event with more than two guests over. It won't be a big deal, just a small get together (it's really all we have room for) but it being my first time is still exciting.

We got our first tree last weekend. It's a super awesome, 3 1/2 foot plastic tree. There wasn't any room for a real one. We got some glass bulbs and brought out the four or five ornaments that we own and set it up. I bought a few more ornaments from the South Side Art Center in Sacramento. It's a program similar to the Creative Arts dept. at M.O.R.E. where I used to work. It's beginnng to look like a true, blue Christmas tree! We even have presents underneath already! I love the holidays!

I Love Christmas

A friend's post about Christmas songs got me thinking. I really. Love. Christmas. I enjoy the songs, the apple cider, the smell of Fir in the living room, the wrapping, the lights, everything!

It wasn't always like this. I don't think I truly enjoyed a Christmas my whole young adult life. In fact, I remember vividly the Spirit of Christmas dying inside me the first year my parents were divorced and they still managed to scream at each other and my big sister in our living room despite the fact that they didn't live together anymore.

Even when I quit drinking there were years when all I did was sleep in marathon AA meetings because everyone was out of town and I either didn't have a car or had to work or something. I did, however receive a present from my step mom in that first year that showed me that the healing had begun. She had told my I had one chance to make things right. I got sober and the present basically told me that I was on the right track.

Still, Christmas was hard. I was in an abusive relationship between one and three years sober and wasn't aware that what was happening to me was actually abuse. I didn't ever receive a Christmas present from this man, but would make homemade cards and things for him. I got the sense that Christmas shouldn't really mean anything to anybody, if it's no big deal to the man you think you love.

I finally left that relationship in the Spring of 2006 and started dating Chris that June. Here was a man that appreciated me, opened doors for me, let me into his heart and helped me learn to let others into mine. Chris is festive during the holidays, giving me "hints" as to what he's gotten me or texting me just to tell me my present is being tracked by UPS and will reach the mail box in such-and-such days. He's included me with his family and has been willing to put up with the split-household holiday run that so many kids from broken homes have to grow up and deal with.

I love my man with all my heart for many things, but saving Christmas for me as a time to appreciate family, friends and togetherness is pretty high up there on the list, let me tell you.So now I sing along to the Christmas music, even when it's played before Thanksgiving (a cardinal sin, really), I play with Christmas bows and put them on my head, I get quirky things from gift stores when I can't afford them to give to people just to show them I appreciate them. That is what the season is all about.