Live Life Sucka Free

Here We Go Again.

EDIT: My mom threatened to kill the plant she was taking care of for me in her yard. No really, that happened. I called her a cunt. I only reserve that word for truly ignorant fucks who purposely try to hurt me or my loved ones. She's a terrible person. Just terrible.

If you've known me awhile, you've seen me go back and forth multiple times with my mom. She has attacked me on facebook a number of times and blown things up into imagined hurts and I think she does it for attention. It happens every few months, so maybe it's a bipolar thing. She was diagnosed bipolar when I was a teenager, but insists she doesn't have it anymore.

Well, we were supposed to go to dinner today so I put off homework and Chris put off working on a presentation so we could get our house cleaned and get ready to go. She texted us at five, the time she was supposed to show up, to tell us she wasn't going to make it and wondering if we could do dinner tomorrow. Nope, I work nights now and this was the last Saturday night I'll have off for at least a month, so we told her tonight or it's not going to happen and pointed out that she was the one that told us Saturday night was good for dinner and then flaked.

She took it as rude that we pointed out her faux pas, so all of a sudden we were horrible, selfish and mean brats. Great. Here we go again. She told us she hadn't started painting a house until 2pm and that she lost track of time. That didn't really make us feel any better about it seeing as how she knew at 2pm she was running late and that we weren't important enough for her to check her watch. Long story short, we're disowned again.

Some background information abut the following screenshot: About a week ago, she had a vague, passive-agressive facebook status up that I thought was related to a text she sent me a few days prior. The gist of the text was that I don't facebook or text her enough. *sigh* It's so fucking draining to be responsible for someone else's happiness. Especially a grown-ass adult who should know better. Anyway, she insisted the facebook status wasn't about me.

My Aunt Cam didn't understand this the last time Mom and I got into it. Cam told me "She's your mother," as if that's some magic phrase that makes me responsible for making her happy by kowtowing to her. I deleted my Aunt Cam on facebook because she refused to stop chiding me online about it and because my aunt has no idea the long history behind my mom freaking out on people for imagined hurts every few months.

So that's the background on the situation, but I'd like to share a little comment my mom made to me online tonight.

As soon as we expressed our irritation with her flaking at the very time she was supposed to show up instead of calling us earlier to let us know she wasn't going to make it, she started bringing up all she's "done for us," including going to Disneyland and buying us a TV. Because apparently, buying people things means they are beholden to your every whim. Being nice to a person isn't done for the sake of being nice in her world, it's so that you'll shut up if she is ever rude to you. Sorry, but in my world, that doesn't give you a free pass to walk all over me. I had one Saturday.

Anyway, I think that second to last sentence should get her a mother of the year award, don't you think? I'm done. I've accepted apology after apology and still, every few months, she gets something up her ass and has to stir shit up. She thought there was a barrier between us due to past freak-outs of hers online. Self-fulfilling prophecy there. I have too much to worry about than to prop up my mother's fucked up, sick world. Who is the parent here? I'm just done.

Cross training

I went ahead and did twenty minutes today. Legs felt good, so I went over the pedestrian overpass, which I normally do anyway, but thought I would have to avoid after Monday's shin splints. I took it easy going over and I was fine.

I got my Mizuno Inspires in the mail, so I broke those in. They are very nice, just as I expected. After running in those crappy Brooks for six months it was like putting on clouds. What a relief.

Chris and I also biked the arboretum, so I'm getting some cross-training done. I have the Tour de Cure ten-mile ride in May I have to think about. Looks like this spring will be very active for me! I'm looking forward to it.

No More Running for Weaklings.

So I'm a little upset. I tried to take the Intermediate Running for Women class after being told explicitly by the Fleet Feet staff that I would have no problem moving to it after taking Beginner in the Fall. I explained to them my break in running between the Stampede and the Biggest Loser run and they said it shouldn't be a problem. I had been running for about two weeks when I started Intermediate on Monday.

Well, they were very wrong. It turns out the class is in the Arboretum, which is very hilly and which had been giving me a little bit of trouble (though not much) on the Bunny Run. This time, the legs didn't loosen up and I had to walk halfway back.

The Beginner class was done entirely on the very flat Greenbelt in North Davis. I was very disappointed to find that the route I've been taking since starting the Beginner class in September in no way prepared me for the Intermediate class. The hills were too much.

Fleet Feet could have done one of two things before I shelled over $109 to them.

1) Design the Beginning class so that it actually pushes a runner and prepares her for the next level, or,

2) Told me the truth about the ability to go from one class to the next.

How about an educated and informed staff?

I've done two 5ks in the last two months, and while I did take time off because of the stress of changing jobs and a MRSA infection, I don't think I'm all that out of shape. The level of intensity of the 10k class was grossly misrepresented to me.

Well, now I'm pissed because even though I got a refund, I would have really liked an apology. Shame on them. They didn't even address my concerns when I told them and asked for the refund. They simply nodded and smiled and handed me my receipt.

I've decided I'll be training on my own, shedding the "interval" system and researching online the best way to increase strength for hills since the Fleet Feet classes did absolutely nothing to make me a better runner. I haven't run since Monday and my shins haven't hurt since Tuesday, so I'm going out today to kick ass and take names. Thanks for nothing, Fleet Feet!

Bunny Run and other stuff.

Life is pretty incredible these days. I had a great run this morning in the arboretum with the Davis Fleet Feet. It was their 3rd annual Bunny Run, an untimed walk/run in honor of a girl who lost her fight with Osteosarcoma at just twelve years old. Runners were asked to donate stuffed animals to bring to kids in the hospital during Easter time. It was very heartwarming.

I met up with some of the ladies I had met in the beginning RFW class. I decided to run with them because I hadn't brought my own interval timer as I didn't know if the run would be led or a free-for-all.

We ran the arboretum, which was a beautiful course. It has more hills than I'm used to on the greenbelt, so my shins were real tight at first, but soon loosened up. I don't feel any after-effects so I think I dodged shin splints. It's been almost two years since I had them but I'm still nervous whenever I start feeling anything in the front of my legs.

I went to school to start the second part of the MMLC class only to find out that I'm not required to attend at this point, as long as I keep doing about one module a week. I got a 90% on the first module this week, so I'm set.

I'm considering a half-marathon in Janurary. My friend Ray is interested, too. Even my mom is curious about it, but I think that's partly because she's going to love where it is. It's the Tinkerbell run in Disneyland. It's happening far enough in the future for me to just be completing a half-marathon training class this fall, after this 10k class. Oh, and did I mention it's in Disneyland? Looking forward to it!

2013 is turning out to be much better than 2012. I have more to write about, but for now I'm putting things in a journal. I want my head clear in order to improve my blogging skills. I'll update more again, but I'm going to end it for now. I've had a great day and I'm going to just relax and enjoy the end of it.

The Great Rostini Mystery

Abruptly and unexpectedly, our favorite restaurant Rostini closed. There was a note on the door thanking the customers for three wonderful years, but didn't offer an explanation. Some have speculated they may have left over leasing issues as rent is back on the upswing after the Great Recession. Davis Wiki simply states that it closed for "unknowable reasons."

Rostini was often packed and the food was consistently delicious. The prices ranged from 7-9 dollars per entré with sandwich/salad combination for lunch and regular specials. There was no health notice on the door, so that's ruled out. These "unknowable reasons" remain a mystery.

The pressing question facing us now can only be, "Where are we going to get Spaghetti and meatball now?" As far as I know there's only one Italian place left in Davis and I hear it's expensive. Davis awaits an answer.

Gone Baby, Gone.

I'm gone, out of there, and yet the other day I walked past someone at my school who must use the same fabric softener as that place and I literally shuddered. A chill ran down my spine.

The insanity, the rules changing every day, the denial of the people in charge, the unwillingness to listen to doctors or consider that it was their behavior that was causing trouble. The violent outbursts of someone who literally can't think for herself by law and the pathetic attempts to control it with coercion and bribery or playing games and singing songs. Absolutely the saddest thing I've ever seen. It should be a crime to make someone so miserable.

Of course I called authorities. They didn't care, or couldn't. She was fed and clothed and had a roof over her head, what more could they do? Apparently, caring for a psychotic family member is better than making the state do it.

I learned a lot from this. Of course, I had to be screwed over first. I always learn the hard way. But I'm happy now. I can see it in my face when I look in the mirror. My features have calmed, my skin is clearing and my eyes are opening.

My husband told me today he's more affectionate because he was afraid to be prior to my leaving. I was so strung out with stress and worry. When he told me, "don't go back" after the doctor cut out a hole in my arm to drain the mrsa infection I got from that place I was so relieved. It was over. I was gone.

Also, to get a text message telling me I needed to think about whether I wanted to be there anymore. Ha. Not answering was the best "go fuck yourself" I could give them. Let them deal with one more person (of many) who jetted on them and their toxic insanity. Maybe this time they'd finally realize that when everyone has a problem with you, you're the problem.

I doubt it. Their self-righteous indignation against the world while the mom hid in her room to drown out the screams and the sister hid outside to smoke her "prescription" just to gather the courage to be in the same room. Oh, but they wanted the girl to come home. They just thought the behaviors would end there. The countless group homes, staff and psychiatrists that were out of ideas were the bad guys and everything would be cake for them because they were family and would do better. They "understood" her. They were way in over their heads.

I can only hope for her sake she gets taken away. Put back on the drugs that had her stable. Have her surrounded by people that are actually going to give them in the right doses at the right time instead of changing them every week. It's the only way she'll be able to live out her life in any kind of comfort. Far away from them. Same for me. Far, far away from there.

Logging Miles

I've used a few different running apps, but the two best are Runkeeper and MapMyRun by far. Those two I've created accounts with and have used to track my progress.

Between just those two apps, when I've used them to track my runs, I've run 163.48 miles. This isn't counting the running for women classes or the first two months of my running when I first started.

Even though there have been breaks, I'm still pretty proud of that, seeing as how that's probably 100 times more than I had ever run in my adult life before July of 2011.

I expect to break 200 before April is out, but that's only if I record my workouts. I kind of like being able to keep a record. The races are a bit easier; I've run 15k total. :)

Running updates

I ran my third and slowest 5k yesterday, three minutes behind my last time. I was kind of enjoying the scenery at Tower Bridge too much at the race start and didn't really power-walk the intervals until at least halfway. I enjoyed it, though.

So what's next? Well, I signed up for Running for Women again. This time the goal is a 10k. I'll be doing the Davis Moonlighting run in July but there will also be a run tied to the RFW group. I'm excited. I have a lot to look forward to.

Learning Patience

Edit: 3/17/13
I wrote this a few months ago and, as you will see, had had it scheduled to post two years form the date I wrote it. My circumstances have changed dramatically, so I've decided to go ahead and publish it, giving my readers an idea of where I was at in my previous job. I'll also update on a later post what's been going on since I left that hellhole, but for now, I'm going to coffee with my husband.

I'm writing this blog on January 29, 2013. I've scheduled it for two years from now. I'm hoping I'll be able to look back on this and it will all be a memory by then. Perhaps I'll have different problems. Perhaps I'll have lived some more dreams.

Everything in me wants to be impatient, rash and impulsive. It's taken a long time for me to be able to control that part of me and put my future ahead of my "now." I have to remember this isn't forever. Every knot on my head, landed blow on my side and arms, every spoonful of food thrown on my fav, everyday my back aches, I have to remember: I'm learning patience; it's not forever. It might not even be much longer, despite the financial pressure to stay.

Putting myself into an uncomfortable position now so that I can be somewhere else in two years. It takes a lot. I'd love to publish this in 2015 and have already reaped from this taxing and draining situation. The seeds are planted.