Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Gone Baby, Gone.

I'm gone, out of there, and yet the other day I walked past someone at my school who must use the same fabric softener as that place and I literally shuddered. A chill ran down my spine.

The insanity, the rules changing every day, the denial of the people in charge, the unwillingness to listen to doctors or consider that it was their behavior that was causing trouble. The violent outbursts of someone who literally can't think for herself by law and the pathetic attempts to control it with coercion and bribery or playing games and singing songs. Absolutely the saddest thing I've ever seen. It should be a crime to make someone so miserable.

Of course I called authorities. They didn't care, or couldn't. She was fed and clothed and had a roof over her head, what more could they do? Apparently, caring for a psychotic family member is better than making the state do it.

I learned a lot from this. Of course, I had to be screwed over first. I always learn the hard way. But I'm happy now. I can see it in my face when I look in the mirror. My features have calmed, my skin is clearing and my eyes are opening.

My husband told me today he's more affectionate because he was afraid to be prior to my leaving. I was so strung out with stress and worry. When he told me, "don't go back" after the doctor cut out a hole in my arm to drain the mrsa infection I got from that place I was so relieved. It was over. I was gone.

Also, to get a text message telling me I needed to think about whether I wanted to be there anymore. Ha. Not answering was the best "go fuck yourself" I could give them. Let them deal with one more person (of many) who jetted on them and their toxic insanity. Maybe this time they'd finally realize that when everyone has a problem with you, you're the problem.

I doubt it. Their self-righteous indignation against the world while the mom hid in her room to drown out the screams and the sister hid outside to smoke her "prescription" just to gather the courage to be in the same room. Oh, but they wanted the girl to come home. They just thought the behaviors would end there. The countless group homes, staff and psychiatrists that were out of ideas were the bad guys and everything would be cake for them because they were family and would do better. They "understood" her. They were way in over their heads.

I can only hope for her sake she gets taken away. Put back on the drugs that had her stable. Have her surrounded by people that are actually going to give them in the right doses at the right time instead of changing them every week. It's the only way she'll be able to live out her life in any kind of comfort. Far away from them. Same for me. Far, far away from there.

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