March 25th

I'm the kind of person who always wonders "what if?" in any situation. I'll read a quote online and before I repost it, I make sure that a second source can confirm it is correct and that it is by the person it is attributed to. I'm the kind of person that, when conflict arises, I try to think back over my actions of the last few months, or sometimes years, to figure out where I may have gone wrong. I ask other people as well, trying to get an idea of where I'm at and where I should be. I don't rest my head easily at night sometimes, and that's okay. At least I know I'm thorough.

Someone told me recently she will "rest her head at night" easily, regardless of her actions being extremely unethical if not down-right immoral. I can only assume people like that rest their heads at night so easily because they A) push out of the minds that they've dont anything at all or B) have convinced themselves that their actions were warranted, like the other person deserved it or something. This is the only explanation I can find for someone being so completely okay with their falsehoods and fakery. In the end, it's people like this who will lie straight to your face without blinking an eye and still live with themselves.

Today I got a phone call from someone who has a great deal of integrity and warmth for other people. This person doesn't boast or put others down. This person doesn't pick and choose who he "forgives" based on his desire for attention and social status. This person doesn't steal from others or make up stories. This person is willing to tell the truth. And the truth I heard tonight is that I should never have let that kind of poison in my closest circle of friends. I mentioned that maybe one person's influence on the other was at fault for a change in behavior by the latter, but then it was pointed out that both people have always been the way they are, influenced or not. It's hard to notice these things when you aren't the one bearing the brunt of a person's impertinence.

So yes, I'll rest my head tonight. I have quite a few less people to worry about and–well, they can all have each other.