Thursday, April 4, 2013

I Can't Do It Anymore

This is me, taking a stand. I am going to be thirty next year. I have absolutely no room in my life for people (family) who treat me like shit no matter how many times I forgive them (or at least act cordial).

My step brother just sent my big sister a text message out of the blue complaining that we (me and my two sisters) didn't acknowledge that he had come to our Gram's funeral last year. Our Gram. Her funeral!

He called us and my husband trash. This man wdnt AWOL from the Navy some years back, stole my dad and step-mom's car and savings and ran away from gambling debts to go hide out with his schizophrenic father in a trailer park in some town called Weaverville, Ca. You know what he's done since? Gambled more, got injured at work not wearing a hard hat like he was supposed to and found himself a girl named Shelly to take good care of him.

I'd like to compare that to my big sister who, although she doesn't work, is solely responsible for convincing her husband to fight for custody of his kids and then taught the oldest at nine years old to finally be able to read for the first time in his life. She raised my nephew, he'd own son, pretty much on her own.

My other sister graduated from an art college and went on to design characters for a famous online social network game and makes more bank, living in Daly City and working in the most beautiful city in the world, San Feancisco.

My husband is three years into a PhD at UCD. I don't even need to qualify that, because it stands on its own. Amongst his numerous projects and his work toward his dissertation, he's helping mankind unravel the mysteries of language and communication. That's fucking awesome.

I'm not good at tooting my own horn, but I've dedicated my life to helping others. I worked with adults with developmental disabilities for years, teaching them life skills, communication and expression through art. I've put on benefit converts and fundraisers, campaigned, rallied and protested to make the world a little better, and now I'm finally getting around to finishing my formal education.

I'm no longer forgetting and forgiving these people. I'm tired of this cyclical, borderline psychotic attacks from people I'm told I'm just supposed to make up with, just bury the hatchet, just keep the peace. I'm too old. I want to have children in the next few years. I want to become a teacher. I want to run a half-marathon. I don't want this bullshit anymore.

My grandfather (not related to my Gram) passed away this week and my mom texted me to tell me. This was after she told me to break my legs running. You know why she was mad at me? I don't talk to her on Facebook as much as I talk to other people.

She couldn't have had my sister call me. She has no decency whatsoever. Now I'm getting text messages telling me how my step brother is upset he didn't get credit for coming to my Gram's funeral. I don't even remember him being there. I couldn't tell you who was there at all.

I'm not just sweeping this under the rug. I'm not just going to pretend. I'm not going to let them back in. I won't have other family members pressure me to play nice so we can all sit uncomfortably in the same room together and put on a show for the neighbors and friends. I'm tired of it and I'm ending it now. I'm not letting this happen again.

No comments:

Post a Comment